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Archived
Journal Entries
7 June 1999 - 11:50pm
Tonight I had dinner with a friend, and during it we got to talking about spiritual
protection. I spoke of how a clairvoyant who, some years ago, told me that I
walked in a 'circle of light'. When I asked what that meant, she said it meant
that I walk with God's protection - always. I thought this was pretty cool, and felt
that it went some way towards explaining why I'd never been in a fight in my
entire life, and why nothing bad had really happened to me, apart from my own
negative interpretations of events and subsequent feelings. My friend tonight
then suggested to me that everyone must walk with God's protection, but if that
was the case, why do many people experience so much hardship and torture,
etc. I explained my definition of reincarnation to her, and how we live our life in
order to choose various experiences, and torture and death is also an experience
that we learn from. Our lives are like a 'dream' and when we die it's like waking
up. All that we remember are our emotions and our learnings. We have multiple
lives in order to learn multiple things. And while God always loves us, he doesn't
always protect us, because there are some bad things which we want to be part
of, and he doesn't protect us from that which we chose to experience.
Suddenly, a realisation came to me. A thought process came into existence.
Back since I was a child, I've always had a feeling that I was destined for something great, that something special was going to happen sometime in my
future. However, up until I was 24, I was also an atheist. I didn't believe in God,
I instead believed in fate. However, I couldn't explain this feeling of destiny.
The realisation that I had tonight was that my feeling of destiny could very well be
coupled with the fact that I'm protected by God. For what, I don't know.
Let me tell you a story. It happened almost three years ago. I was at a Michael
Jackson concert in Sydney, and when it finished I was leaving it with my girlfriend
at the time. She was angry with me for something and was walking ahead of
me, and I was walking about 6-8 feet behind her. We were walking through the
crowd towards the car park, when I noticed a guy walking towards us. He was
short and stocky, and was dressed all in denim. He had a look of extreme anger
on his face, and he was just walking towards us but shouldering people out of his
way. He shouldered my girlfriend who kept walking - as did everyone else when
he shouldered them - and then he shouldered me. I did something that no-one
else did. I stopped and turned to watch him walk on. He realised that I'd
stopped, and he turned around and started walking back towards me. The look
on his face was pure anger and hatred - I've never seen anything like it before or
since - and he was clenching his fists. My only thought was, "This is gonna be
interesting..."
However, as he got closer, his face changed. He seemed to become calm. The expression on his face changed to become something almost peaceful, and he
turned around and walked away.
Surprised, I looked after him, then I remembered what the clairvoyant had told me, and I looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you."
That's been my greatest personal experience with God's protection that I believe I
have, but it was a very powerful one for me.
Every now and again, I have a new realisation about myself, and about my spirituality. It helps me focus on who I am, and what I'm doing in this world.
Tonight has helped me focus more on myself and my future. It's also helped me
to realise that by focussing on my future, I need to let go of my concerns for the
future. I need to live in the moment, and accept the plans that I have chosen for
myself before I was born. My future will get here without my help.
That which oppresses me,
is it my soul
tying to come
out in the open,
or the soul of the world
knocking at my heart
for its entrance?
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