23 January 2000 - 10:43pm
I'm feeling in a melancholy mood right now. That's probably my most creative mood, in terms of writing in here, so I thought I'd do just that. I'm sitting here
wondering why I feel this way. I'm bored. I've actually got nothing to do right
now, nor do I have any inclinations to do anything anyway. I'll just sit here and
wallow... but wallow in what? Sorrow? Self-pity? Loneliness? Hmmm...
Yeh, that's it. And a bit of sorrow too.
I miss Missy.
Love doesn't come along very often and when it does, it's special. Obviously. It
hurts to lose it. Hurts a lot. I thought that I'd gotten over the hurt, but the way
I'm feeling right now, I guess I didn't. Probably silly of me to think that I could do
it so quickly...
I've decided it's more sorrow than loneliness, but they are hand-in-hand right now,
and I've got the tissues out.
When you meet someone who just grabs your heart like she did, it's not an easy process to let go. What hurts the most is that I couldn't be any better or any
loving than what I was. When I review everything about myself and us, in order to
try and work out where I went wrong, I can't see anything wrong with anything
that I did, said or felt.
It just wasn't meant to be.
At least for Missy, it wasn't meant to be.
In our eternal quest for our one true partner in life, why do some of us have to go
through so much pain? Is there someone out there who will love me as much as
I love them? Is there such a thing as a soul-mate in my life? Will my quest for a
beautiful, special woman to share my life with be fruitless? Am I destined to
walk this earth alone?
These and other questions may be answered in time. But the only answer I have right now is loneliness.
It's been part of my life for as long as I can remember, way back to childhood.
But I'll never get used to it. I don't want to be lonely. I don't want to go through a
life which is exciting and wonderful, but to have no-one to share it with just
Some people are happy to go through life without needing or wanting someone to share it with. I wonder why I'm different. My excuse is that I want to share my
happiness with someone special in my life. But am I just afraid to be alone?
What am I really afraid of?
I don't know.
I just know that I miss Missy.
No quote today
I'm not feeling positive enough for it