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5 March 2000 - 1:16pm
Yesterday I took a visiting friend around Canberra, and one of the sights was the Australian War Memorial. As we were wandering around looking at the displays and information of Australian involvement in war, I realised that I must be getting old. Why? Because I've been there on a number of occasions in the past, but yesterday I had a few moments where I had a hard time keeping myself under control. I felt like crying at some of the displays that I saw, thinking about the deaths and suffering that people have experienced. Age must carry the burden of compassion. It's a horrible thought. What else is going to happen as I get older?

It's been really nice showing my friend around Canberra. It's a beautiful city, with plenty to offer, and it's nice showing it off to someone. Click here for photos of Canberra.

A couple of weeks ago, I saw Missy again. I had to go pick up my VCR that I'd lent to her late last year. It was nice seeing her again, but also very hard not to be as I used to be with her. I had to keep reminding myself things were different now... I stayed with her for a few hours, having dinner with her and the kids, which was really nice. I'm not sure if the transition to 'friends only' had been easier for her, but how I was feeling certainly wasn't as comfortable as how she seemed to be. After I returned home, that's when the enormity of it all hit me...  It was obvious to me in the week afterwards, that I needed to see her one last time and physically say goodbye to her, in order for it to be real for me, and to emotionally realise it was over. The goodbye that I said to her as I left her place was the goodbye one says to a friend that you know you're going to see again.  However, it had symbolic meaning for me due to the fact that I was really saying goodbye to the love we shared. 

So that chapter is over.

Next...

How much longer will you go on
letting your energy sleep?
How much longer are you going
to stay oblivious of the immensity
of yourself?
Don't lose time to conflict;
lose no time in doubt -
time can never be recovered
and if you miss an opportunity
it may take many lives
before another comes
your way again.

 

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2001 Alan Howard