Journal of Alan Howard
Thursday - 27th December 2001 -
Happy New Year!
Only 4 days until the new year... Hmmm... That
sentence seems familiar... <smile>
How was Christmas for everyone? Mine was ok, but it's the
first Christmas in a while that I've spent alone. I spent
the time catching up on Star Trek: Voyager by watching all the
videos that I haven't seen the past few months. It was
really good to do that, but once the videos were finished it
became obvious to me that I was using them to hide from the fact
that I felt lonely and alone here in New Zealand. I spent
a few hours at a friend's party, but I sort of felt like an
outsider... Kylie had invited me to go up to Palmerston
North to spend Christmas with them, but again, I felt like an
outsider and the thought of being there was uncomfortable to
me. I'm an ex, and even though Kylie and I have maintained
a friendship beyond the relationship, I'm still 'an ex' to the
rest of her family. Sure, they'd be polite and all, but
I'd just feel so uncomfortable there. Plus, Kylie's got a
new boyfriend who's come over from Perth for a month (or more),
so that would just add to the uncomfortableness for me. So
I just stayed at home and watched videos and then felt sorry for
myself last night. But I got over it pretty quickly, as I
usually do. Good ability that, being able to feel and
release. Gotta keep practicing it... much better
than holding it in and never letting go.
I watched Lord Of The Rings on Sunday... it was very
cool. I'll have to go see it again soon.
I'm sitting here at work listening to my favourite CD at the
moment on my CD walkman that I bought myself for Christmas (back
in November when I was leaving for Australia...
hehehe). It's not very busy here at work, so I'm able to
listen to music and stuff... I was looking at other online
journals this morning, and I've got the feeling that many people
don't care about their journals as much as they seemed to a
couple years ago. I went to a few journal rings, and there
were so many links that were 'dead' or led to journals that
weren't active any more, it made me wonder if the popularity of
online journals has died down somewhat. Which also made me
wonder if many people were doing it just to be noticed, and then
the novelty faded away. And as a result of all that
wondering, it made me wonder if interest has died down for me as
I didn't have to wonder too long to know that it hasn't.
For me, this journal isn't about being noticed, but really is
just a means of recording the days of my life. Well, the
days that I'm inspired to write... <smile> One
of the journal rings was about those journals written by people
who think that their lives are just like a soap opera.
Looking through them, I found dead links or boredom.
Nothing in there inspired me to read more.
And while I'm not doing this for you, I'm writing it in a way
that is appealing, so do I hope that my journal inspires you to
Have a great new year everyone, and I look forward to another
year with you. This has been going for three years now,
and still going strong.