Journal of Alan Howard
Thursday - 24th January 2002 -
You know how sometimes, something comes along that makes you just sit up and take notice of what's going on in your life, and suddenly you realise that it's lacking. You realise that you're looking for something, but you know that's just diverting you from doing what you know you need to be doing. What you're looking for isn't important. What you should be doing is what's important.
I watched The Kid this morning, a Disney movie starring Bruce Willis. He plays a 39 yr old man who's successful, but is lonely and lacking quality within himself. An 8 yr old boy turns up out of nowhere and the man discovers that it's himself, from 30 years ago. With the help of his younger self, he rediscovers elements of himself that he had left behind, because of the childhood he wanted to forget.
Watching the movie made me realise that like him, I was following a career which is giving me everything I want right now (not as much as him though). However, along the way, I'm avoiding doing those things which I know I should be doing. These things have a lot to do with the quality of the self, rather than the quality of the life. I don't know why I've been avoiding them, but I have. Things like meditating and exercising. Things which I know are good for me, but I've been finding other things to do instead. Again, I don't know why, but I know it's always been an effort to 'find the time', even when I have plenty of time. Starting today, I'm going to change things around. I'm going to do what I can't be bothered doing, and see where it leads me. I know that it's going to be challenging, but maybe that's part of it - we are often rewarded from the challenges that we overcome.
I've got half the day off today, and don't start work until 2:30pm, and finish at 6. I think I can handle working for 3.5 hours... So anyway, that's why I was watching a video this morning. I was taking advantage of the free time. Now I think I'll go and meditate for a while...