|
Archived
Journal Entries
12 July 1999 - 12:05am
I have experienced perfection. I never thought I would, but now I know that it's
possible. Not just possible, it actually happened!
I went to see 'Missy' again on the weekend just gone. I want to announce her to
the world.
I arrived at her place late Saturday afternoon and the first thing I was thinking was
that she looked far more beautiful than I remembered! After she put dinner into
the oven, we went to a club overlooking the beach and had a drink as we talked
and watched the sun go down. When it got too dark to see out the windows, we
went for a walk to the beach and sat there on a rock, watching the ocean waves
crash into the shore. That's when we first kissed.
The moment was beautiful, like something you read about in a romance novel.
Sitting on the beach in the dark, with some faint light shining off the crashing
waves, holding and kissing a beautiful woman who wanted me as much as I
wanted her.
It got better.
We went back to her place for dinner (which was wonderful! I probably ate more than I should have, but it was so nice!) Afterwards we sat on the couch in front of
the heater and talked and held and kissed some more... it was great! Then she
wanted to go to the movies, but all I wanted to do was sit on the couch with her,
but we ended up going to see The Mummy (which wasn't too bad at all). When
that finished we tried to go to some kind of 'cosy' restaurant location for a fireside
coffee, but it was closed - damn. So we went back home.
The night with her was amazing - but I'm not going to talk about that. We didn't
get much sleep though. After waking relatively early (early for me, but late for
her!) we had a barbecued breakfast, and then went for a drive. On the way to see
her on the Saturday afternoon, I went past what looked like a church, and for
some reason I had this urge to stop there and have a look at it, but I didn't,
because I was 'rushing' to a destination. The drive I went on with her was to that
church. I needed to satisfy my curiosity. As it turned out, it wasn't that
exciting. It was a Greek church in the middle stages of being built, and it had a
dam down in front of it. It was nice to walk around, but I couldn't find anything of
significance that would give me the urge to stop at it. (I often try to follow most
urges that I get, as they usually lead to something worthwhile). Well... there
was something of significance, in a strange kind of fashion. While we were
standing inside it, in the empty centre of the church, with the wooden beams over
us, we kissed. I felt happy that we were probably the first people to kiss in that
church, and to share joy. I felt good at that.
We went for lunch at Bateman's Bay, which was 5 minutes from that church (but close to an hour from where she lived). It was great to walk along the waterfront
with Missy, arm in arm, looking for somewhere to eat. I could smell the sea
atmosphere, hear the 'seaside town' sounds, and I could only think of how
beautiful life was at that very moment.
We had lunch at a "Soldier's Club" and then returned to her house, where we 'enjoyed each other's company' for an hour or so and then shared a meditation,
which was nice and relaxing. I didn't want to leave her, it was just perfect talking
to her, kissing her, and touching her. She's a great kisser...
I experienced something that I've never experienced before. I experienced sincere appreciation for me, for who I was, and what I was doing for her. It's
something which I didn't realise I'd never had until I got it from Missy. What was I
doing for her? I was appreciating her. She's an amazing woman. I had some
incredibly strong emotions which I had to look at inside myself. At first I was
afraid to, and there was a fight going on in my head. Did I love her, or did I lust
her? I felt that I loved her, but how could that be, after only such a short period of
time?
Eventually it came time for me to leave, which was a hard thing to do. I wouldn't
be seeing her again for 3 weeks. The parting took half an hour or more...
As I was leaving town, I phoned Kath to see if she was home. She was. So I turned around and went to see her before I left. I had to tell her the happy news!
(Well, it was through Kath that I met her friend Missy at Kath's party two weeks
ago.) She was very pleased for me... At one point she asked me if I loved
Missy. I acted on the 'negative theory' - how could I love her after so short a
time? I knew she'd help me out. She told me that it can happen that quickly,
that I only have to follow my heart. At that point I made a decision. When I
made the decision, I felt energised! I felt a rush, I felt as if there was a stream of
energy flowing through me. It was amazing.
After I said goodbye to Kath I went back to see Missy - I knew it would be a nice
surprise, because I'd been at Kath's for over 2 hours, and Missy would be
thinking that I'd be almost home. I could tell by the look on her face as she
opened the door that yes, she was pleasantly surprised. I told her about being at
Kath's and that I'd come to a decision about my feelings, and I had to come and
tell her that I loved her. I was a little worried that there'd be some show of
concern, as that's a pretty heavy thing to hear. But instead, I got some more
intense kisses... *sigh*
I stayed long enough for a cup of tea and to tune her VCR for her, and then I left.
The drive there on Saturday, and the drive back on Sunday night were both uneventful.
The entire weekend was a weekend of perfection and happiness. Her and I did a lot of talking throughout my time there, but the most significant aspect was about
her and I, and our relationship. We both felt that there was something amazing
and special between us, that neither of us have felt before. However, due to the
distance between us (two and a half hours travel by car), we're going to have to
take it slowly. Neither of us are that happy about moving to where the other
lives, so we're just going to leave it open and have a long-distance relationship
and see what ends up happening. Leaving it open to the universe is a good
thing. She also wants to spend a considerable length of time letting the
relationship develop without having her kids around as a distraction, and also to
prevent any kind of bonding occurring between them and I, so that if it doesn't
work then they don't get hurt either. I think she's very sensible...
I have a new girlfriend now, and I'm a very happy man indeed.
You find true joy
and happiness in life
when you give
and give
and go on giving
and never count the cost.
|
