26 July 1999 - 11:40pm
I sit here and think about how to describe my weekend with words that I haven't
used before. I'm not sure I can. The last time I spoke about Missy the words
'perfection' came to the fore... I can't beat that description, so I'm not going to
try. Instead, I'll just say that perfection became better! *smile*
In my last entry I mentioned that I told her that I loved her. This was a huge step
for me. The last time I told a girl that I loved her was 5 years ago... But that girl
was convinced that we weren't meant to last, so she never said that she loved
me (although the relationship with her lasted two years, and is something I don't
regret - her and I are still great friends today). In fact, I've never had a girlfriend
who's said she loves me. They've all been just 'ordinary' relationships. I guess I
could take that a little further and say I've never been loved before.
With that in mind, against the backdrop of the perfect weekend two weeks ago, this weekend has been incredibly momentous in my life. For the first time, I've
found a beautiful angel who loves me. She told me yesterday. I've been in my
own version of heaven ever since!
I went down to see her on Saturday afternoon, and spent a couple of hours with her until she went out to work. Kissing and hugging is a wonderful thing... I
then spent a few hours visiting my good friend Kath. At about 9:30pm I took
Kath and her friend into Ulladulla so that they could go out drinking and dancing,
and I went back to Missy's, who got home from work 5 minutes after I got back
to her place. We went out to get some drinks, but ended up at the same place
(a country town nightclub...) that Kath was at, so we spent an hour or so there.
Around midnight, we went back to Kath's place and drank tea and chatted for
another hour or more. Eventually we got back to Missy's place and went to...
sleep? Uh-huh, that's it. Sleep.
On Sunday we didn't get out of bed until 2:30pm. It was a wonderful way to spend Sunday! At some point before we got up, she told me she was in love
with me... I asked her if she was sure, and she said that it's obvious, and there's
no point in denying it anymore. And we spent a few more hours looking into
each other's eyes... or something like that. Eventually we had to get up and
return to reality.
We had lunch at the same restaurant that we originally had lunch at, the first weekend I met her. The food was great! I had this delicious steak meal, and
Missy had oysters and bacon. I'm not that much into oysters, so I stayed away
I had originally planned on heading back to Canberra late Sunday afternoon, but
it looked there was a storm over the mountains. I decided not to drive back
during that, as there were hairpin curves that had to be taken at 25 kmh under
normal conditions... I didn't want to do it in a storm. So I stayed another night.
Let me tell you, it was an easy decision to make. *grin*
We watched a video, which is, in my opinion, one of the most beautiful and romantic movies out - City of Angels. It was the second time I'd seen it, but I
felt more this time than I did the first time. I think it was because I was with
someone I loved as I was watching it. At the end of the movie, I was doing a bit
of crying into the back of Missy's jumper as she was laying back against me,
while she cried into a tissue.
So I headed back today, at lunchtime. I'm glad that it was nice and sunny... it
was a great drive back.
All the way back, as I was driving for the two and a half hour journey, all I could
think about was Missy. I was replaying events and conversations in my mind,
from this weekend and from past weekends. She was the star in my inner
movies. All the time, I had this huge smile on my face... I must've looked pretty
weird to oncoming drivers. "Look Marge, there goes one of those maniacs...
don't make eye contact, he might crash into us!"
So what does this wonderful woman do to make me feel so strongly for her?
Good question. I'm glad you asked. I think the most important thing is that she
accepts me and she loves me. To have a person's love and acceptance is one
of the greatest gifts in the world. She understands me. She is on the same
level intellectually and emotionally as I am. She laughs at my jokes, and she
makes me laugh at hers. She is a 'seeker of knowledge' as I am, interested in
spirituality and wanting to delve into it herself. She has eyes that make me want
to lose myself in them, and her smile is like the rising of the sun on a cold, dark
morning. One of the most wonderful experiences of the weekend (apart from
when she told me she loved me) was when I had my eyes closed at one point
while she's caressing the side of my face, and when I opened them all I could
see was her beautiful smile and - the most precious part of all - the look in her
eyes was of happiness and wonder. To open my eyes and see that, it made my
heart want to burst with joy. I wish I could have taken a photo right then,
because even though I don't want it to happen, I'm sure that time will fade the
memory I have of that moment. She makes me feel special. Every moment with
her is precious and something that I don't want to ever lose. She is so beautiful,
my heart aches with happiness when I see her look at me with love in her eyes.
For so long, I've been writing this journal to keep a record of the good times and
the bad times in my life, the successes and the failures, the happiness and the
sadness. Last night, in a quiet moment, I was thinking about what I'd be writing
in this journal entry. As it's turned out, it's like nothing I was thinking of last
night. But as I was thinking about what to write, I wondered if I needed to
continue it anymore. Now that every moment is one of happiness, where is the
variation that keeps you, the readers, happy? Then I remembered... I'm not
doing this for you - I'm doing it for me. *grin*
It's not just about presenting something to you that might be interesting for you.
It's about me keeping a record of my life for my own reasons, and you just
happen to be lucky enough to be allowed to share that. I'm sure that's where the
interest is. Forgive me for losing sight of that.
So this journal will continue.
I got a phone call tonight from Tricia, a friend of mine from way back. She's the
one who I wrote about rather negatively in a previous entry. She rang me to ask
me for my email address... it seems she is still interested in our friendship,
although it's taken her over 3 months to get around to contacting me. I guess
that's good... but she'll still have to do a lot to earn my trust and respect again
as her friend.
Oh. I almost forgot to mention something else which has been fun for me. I've
got myself a new mobile phone last week, a Nokia 6150. It's a cute little phone.
I like it. I got it from a dealer in QLD, after a 3-week telephone and email
negotiation which ended up inadvertently pitting them against Optus (a
telecommuncations carrier here in Australia that competes with
Telstra). THAT was fun too! Hehehe. I ended up getting a fantastic deal, and I got it on the stipulation that they allow for a cheap upgrade to a phone that I really want, a
Nokia 7110, which won't be coming out until late this year. Yeh, I know - boys
and their toys... but it's fun!
Just look next time you are
having some trip and riding
a problem - just watch. Just
stand aside and look at the
problem. Is it really there?
Or have you created it?
Look deeply into it, and you will
suddenly see it is not increasing,
it is decreasing; it is becoming
smaller and smaller.
The more you put your energy
into observation, the smaller it
becomes. And a moment comes
when suddenly it is not there...
you will have a good laugh.