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The
Journal of Alan Howard
14th December 2000
Well, it's been a while again
since my last update. I keep on not wanting it to be a habit,
but it keeps on being one…
Nearly three weeks ago, I left
Michelle. This was because I realised that things just weren't
as good as they were, or could have been. I felt that we needed
some space, and so I ended the relationship. Obviously this
affected her considerably, and it was quite a rough time for a
while. I wanted to maintain a good friendship though, hoping
that we could get back on track. This was very difficult to do,
but I think we're back together as friends. I don't know what
will become of it… we might just remain as friends, or we
might get back together. I know that we've both got a lot of
work to do with our way of being with each other if we want to
get back together, but right now I feel that it's best we're
apart, that we're not a couple.
For most of my life I've had
women leave me, and I know how devastated I've been. This is the
first time I've chosen the ending of a relationship, and while I
know it's been devastating for Michelle, it's something that I
needed to do for my own peace of mind. Things just weren't
working between us, and I felt a desperate need to end the
unhappiness. I hoped that we could stay together as friends
though, and I'm happy that's what's happened. You never know…
one day we might get back together again. Stranger things have
happened.
When I made this decision to
leave her, it seemed obvious that I wouldn't be going with her
to England, as we'd originally planned. Michelle tried to change
my ticket into her own name, but the travel agency told her
early this week that they couldn't do that. Nor would they give
a refund on the ticket. It was, unfortunately, "use it or
lose it". So, after discussing this, I agreed to her
request to join her in going to England anyway. My reasoning in
accepting her request was that we had re-established our
friendship pretty well, and I didn't want to have that money
that had been spent to be wasted, and the added incentive of
seeing another country - of seeing England, followed by a week
in Canberra, Australia, on the way back home. I'm really looking
forward to seeing all my friends again.
So now I'm going to England.
I'm leaving next Thursday - exactly a week away now. Am I
excited? Ummm…. YES! Hehehe. The only 'problem' I've got now
is to buy some warm clothing for it, as Christmas in London will
be COLD!! While I've got my winter clothes, I don't think
they'll be quite enough for London in winter… So I'll be
shopping this weekend.
Since I left Michelle, I've
been sharing with a couple of friends, temporarily. Today I
arranged with another friend to move in with him when I get back
from overseas. He lives in a nice area in a nice house (same
suburb I'm in right now), and my room will be pretty good too.
Sharing again… will it ever stop? One day, I'm sure. My job is
going really well, and it looks like I've got a decent future
with the company - at least in the short term. Nothing's been
confirmed yet about my contract extension, or whether they'll
make me permanent. Time will tell. I do know, however, that if
they continue to want me, I'll continue to stay. I'll also buy a
nice car… Cars are cheaper here than in Australia, so I'm sure
to get a good buy.
Ok, that's all from me until
next time. And there WILL be a next time… I just don't know
when! Be patient… I'm still around. You can't get rid of me
that easily.
<smile>
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