4 May 2000 - 12:54am
I had a dream, and in that dream I was happy. Now the dream has become a
reality, and I am really happy. That happiness though, is tempered by fear.
Fear of the unknown... fear of the past happening again... and fear of new
challenges. But they are all shadowed and overcome by the happiness that is
inside of me, that carries me forward into my future.
Mish has become the wonderful love that I have been looking for. She is my happiness. As more time passes, and I learn more about her and myself, the
more wonderful she becomes. I'm overcoming my fears and doubts, and am
prepared to jump into the great waters of the future with her.
I'm still going to New Zealand in the next month for a holiday, but it's confirmed
that I'll be moving there within the next 3-4 months. I'm taking the leap. I see
her as being the next great step in my life. I don't see anything bad from this
step, and the only things I see that are bad are if I don't go. It's hard to
explain... I just know I've learnt to go with what feels right to me, and this
certainly feels right.
Her name is Michelle. She has an online journal as well, which you can access
here. She's so wonderful, and one of the first things you'll pick up from
her website is that she's 'alive'. She's spiritual, and embraces life and all that it
offers with all her energy. She's an inspiration to me, and I'm looking forward to
sharing life with her.
I've suggested to her tonight that she introduce herself to you all. Hey, she has
her own journal, so she's not afraid to write about herself and who she is. So
maybe the next entry will see some words from her... and I hope you'll see
more from her as time goes by.
Here's an animation of her from her page...
it's a perfect example of how alive she is,
and she's not afraid to show it.
To be upset
you don't have...
is to waste
what you do have.
4 May 2000 - 10:05pm
I was bored a short while ago, so I sat down and watched the "Making of Saving Private Ryan" (I have this small boxed set of the widescreen version of
Saving Private Ryan and the making of it), which I hadn't seen before. It was
excellent. It went into some of the history of World War 2, especially in
regards to D-Day, which is what the movie started with. It made me sad, and
thankful. Sad that we had a war like that, and thankful that the Nazi's lost, and
we have the world as it is today. The invasion of Normandy on June 6, 1944,
was the turning point in the war (I think...). It was when the Germans were halted and
from that point onwards, they were pushed back to Berlin until they had
nowhere left to go. D-Day had the biggest mobilisation of men and equipment
ever seen in history. We found it absolutely incredible that the Gulf War in
1991 was able to mobilize 500,000 people from many countries, and yet we
forget that only half a century earlier, there were mobilizations of millions of
men. Battles comprising many hundreds of thousands and even millions were
fought daily, for 6 years. Millions of people dead. Incredible.
A year or so ago, I had an argument with a 17 year old boy in an IRC chat channel. He was exclaiming that we didn't need to know about the past, that
all we needed to deal with was the future. He couldn't understand my argument
which was that if you don't know the mistakes of the past, you'll just do them
all over again. He stated that it was his world now, and all us old losers had
better realise that. I felt sorry for his generation. But I also felt sorry for the
state of our society, that places so little importance on history in its education
of our children.
About 5 years ago, I was at a party where a small group of us were talking about World War 2. Suddenly this young guy, about 17 or 18, who'd been
overhearing our conversation, asked "How many world wars were there? I've
never heard of world war 2." All conversation stopped as we all turned and
looked at him, and he looked at us and said "What?!" After some discussion,
we discovered that for his entire time at primary and high school, nothing had
been taught to him about war history. He'd heard of the Vietnamese War, and
the Gulf War, but that was it. He hadn't even heard of the Falkland Island's
War.... and he knew nothing about the 2 world wars, or the Korean War, nor
the Boer War of the late 1800's. Needless to say, he received an intensive
education on our war history that night. We were all amazed at the state of our
It's sad really, that we're really learning nothing from the past. Cycles are repeated, and nothing changes. I read an article today that spoke of all the
wars and conflicts that are occurring around the world today. Two thirds of the
countries today are in war.
All the rest of us can do is carry peace in our hearts and leave the wars to those who remain ignorant of the past. Hopefully more and more of us will
carry peace within us, and things will change for the better. But I'm not holding
I found out about my airflight to New Zealand today. Since I've never been overseas before, I have to get a passport. To get a passport, I have to have a
full birth certificate. Last week I applied for the birth certificate, which I should
get tomorrow or Monday next week. Today I was going to book the tickets but
found that I might not get my passport within the time I'd like, which means the
money spent on the tickets would be lost, as I wouldn't be able to travel. So
now I'm not going to book the tickets until I actually have the passport in my
hot little hands. I'm going to go into the passport office next week and see
about making sure they give it to me on the spot, regardless of how long I have
to wait. I'll take a book or two with me. Hehehe.
I'm really excited about what's been happening. I'm going on a holiday to New Zealand, and within the next 3 months, I'll be moving there! However, there's
also a possibility I might not be... Michelle found out today that her company
may be needing people in Sydney soon, and they've asked for expressions of
interest from the NZ staff, so she may end up over here after all.
Both her and I are convinced that the result of greatest happiness for both of us is what will
end up happening. So we'll just have to wait and see what pans out...
we are in relationship
with are always a mirror
reflecting our own beliefs,
we are mirrors,
reflecting their beliefs.
So relationship is one
of the most powerful tools for growth...
if we look honestly at our
relationships we can see so much
about how we
have created them.