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 The Journal of Alan Howard

1st May 2001

I'd like to talk a little bit about Venus, the Goddess of Love.  Well, she's not really a 'Goddess', but she's one in my eyes, at least.  Everything in my past has been preparing me for the person I'm meant to be with this woman.  Everything has come together for this time in my life.  When she moves down here to Wellington, we're going to be moving in together.  I'm so looking forward to that...  it's wonderful being with her whenever we're together, and I just can't wait until we're together all the time.

I've realised that I've been chasing a certain person all my life, someone to be with forever.  This certain person has a certain attitude, which I never thought about until only recently.  The best relationships I've had in the past have been with those women who've had those attitudes, and there's been a pattern that I've only just realised.  The pattern is that they've already got children of their own, and they've developed this certain attitude because of their experiences in life and the children that they have.  The first awesome relationship I had was nearly 10 years ago, with Estera, who had two boys.  The second awesome relationship I had was in '99, with 'Missy', who also had two children - a boy and a girl.  The third awesome relationship is with Venus, who really, I've only just met, but already so much has happened between us to make the future incredible.  And she has two boys.  I realised that the woman I've been looking for has the personality and attitude that only can be obtained by having children.

I've also felt for most of my adult life so far that the woman of my dreams would have children of her own before I came onto the scene.  Venus has been the third 'woman of my dreams' to come into my life.  Third time lucky?

While we can never predict the future, or guarantee an eventuality, I feel that there's a permanency with Venus that I've never felt before.   Even though there's no guarantee of us being together for the rest of our lives, I know that I'm tired of playing the relationship game.  I don't want any more relationships - I just want to relax.  I want this to be permanent, and I'll do everything I can to make it that way.

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2001 Alan Howard