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The
Journal of Alan Howard
Thursday - 4th October 2001 -
11:28pm
A new beginning...
In my last entry, I spoke of a new relationship with
myself. As of earlier this week, it's become a new
beginning. I realised that I'm ready to meet women
again. Instead of feeling anxiety at the thought, now I
look forward to it. Instead of not wanting to think about
it, now I fantasise about it. Yay! I'm back to
normal again! <smile>
I've had a lot of help from friends. Sally and MrsJ in
Melbourne, and Vicki here in Wellington. (It's funny how
you can't talk about your feelings with other men. They
just aren't interested...) Those three have been of the
greatest assistance to me. It's a shame that I'm not
friends with MrsJ any more. While our email conversations
were excellent for a while, it degraded into idle chit chat, and
that wasn't what she wanted. We rubbed each other the
wrong way, and I suggested we 'take a break', but she wanted to
make it permanent. I was pretty disappointed with that,
but life goes on. Through being able to just talk and talk
and talk to them, I've been able to release a lot of the fear,
anger and sorrow that I've been feeling, and I've been able to
clarify those things that have been confusing me. Vicki
has been of the most help though, probably because the
conversations with her have been face to face instead of over
the internet. I've been helped to feel good about myself
again, and to go through the process of letting go of the
past. Fantastic!
More updates soon.
I've created two stories based on The Matrix. Snake's
Journey, and Scarab's
Awakening. They're actually taken from the
play-by-email roleplaying game that I've been in since last
year. I've taken all the postings that I've done in the
game and put them together as a story. I hope you enjoy
them. There will likely be sequels which will come
soon. :-)
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