Journal of Alan Howard
Sunday - 17th June 2001 -
I've been trying to work out
what to talk about in the latest journal entry... and it wasn't
until I was conversing with a friend via ICQ, and he asked me
about something, that I realised what I'm going to write about
He asked me why all the women in my life seem to have no issues
until after they've been with me! Even though I thought it
was pretty funny, there was certainly a lot of truth in
it. It made me realise something that I'd forgotten.
In my past, I've been a catalyst for change in those women who
have gotten close to me. Through involvement with me,
their life has changed considerably, and it's always been for
the better. It's like I've been a gateway for positive
change in their lives, but it hasn't been enough to keep them
with me. <sigh> Even though it's a good thing
that involvement with me has improved their lives somehow, I'm
starting to get a little peeved about my own issues that keep on
bringing up those things which causes a woman to not want to be
with me. But all I can do is let time and development wean
out those issues that I have which negatively affect
You're probably wondering what they are? Well, let's just
say that I'm reading Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
again, and finding it quite enlightening all over
Venus and I aren't in a relationship anymore, and instead we're
just good friends. It seems I helped her realise she
wasn't able to be in a relationship right now. But I'm
happy that we're still friends, and you never know what might
happen again in the future.
In the meantime, I'm single again, and hopefully will be an even
better person for the next person who comes along.
Everything is about growth... I'll just keep telling
myself that, and everything should be fine.
Naturally I'm sad, but that's only natural.