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 The Journal of Alan Howard

Sunday - 17th June 2001 - 4:40pm

I've been trying to work out what to talk about in the latest journal entry... and it wasn't until I was conversing with a friend via ICQ, and he asked me about something, that I realised what I'm going to write about next.

He asked me why all the women in my life seem to have no issues until after they've been with me!  Even though I thought it was pretty funny, there was certainly a lot of truth in it.  It made me realise something that I'd forgotten.  In my past, I've been a catalyst for change in those women who have gotten close to me.  Through involvement with me, their life has changed considerably, and it's always been for the better.  It's like I've been a gateway for positive change in their lives, but it hasn't been enough to keep them with me.  <sigh>  Even though it's a good thing that involvement with me has improved their lives somehow, I'm starting to get a little peeved about my own issues that keep on bringing up those things which causes a woman to not want to be with me.  But all I can do is let time and development wean out those issues that I have which negatively affect relationships.  

You're probably wondering what they are?  Well, let's just say that I'm reading Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus again, and finding it quite enlightening all over again.  

Venus and I aren't in a relationship anymore, and instead we're just good friends.  It seems I helped her realise she wasn't able to be in a relationship right now.  But I'm happy that we're still friends, and you never know what might happen again in the future.  

In the meantime, I'm single again, and hopefully will be an even better person for the next person who comes along.  Everything is about growth...  I'll just keep telling myself that, and everything should be fine.

Naturally I'm sad, but that's only natural.  

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2001 Alan Howard