|
The
Journal of Alan Howard
Sunday -
21st July 2002 -
10:30pm
There's magic in the air...
A long time ago, there was this woman who helped me realise I
could feel magic in my life. One of the reasons for being with
her was for me to learn what love was really about. But it
wasn't to continue. After we each fulfilled the reason for being
in each other's lives, it was time to move on. From her, I
learnt how to feel, how to really feel. From me, she gained the
means by which she could meet the man who would become her
husband.
The magic that I felt was special, and that's what I was looking
for again. I was looking for the magic. The spark in my life
that signalled what I was experiencing was something absolutely
special, and absolutely worthwhile. The spark that triggered
feelings in me that would take me down that path of joy and
happiness again.
The magic has returned in Nik, this amazing woman who has
slipped into my life and pulled normality out from under my
feet. Everything changed in so short a time, and the future is
looking so very bright.
It's only been a couple of weeks since we physically met for the
first time and then really started talking to each other - I
mean REALLY started talking. Sharing our attitudes about life,
and what we want in the future, and sharing our histories with
each other. We share the same thoughts at the same times, and
are continuously amazed about how we're on the same wavelength.
She's coming down again to see me in 3 weeks time. She's booked
the tickets, and I've booked the hotel (just in case we find we
don't actually like each other, at least she'll have somewhere
to stay that's not awkward). If things go well, we're going to
see each other once a month. I'll fly up in September, she'll
fly down in October, and I'll fly up in November, etc etc.
'If things go well?' I hear you ask. Yeh... both of us are tired
of being in relationships that don't work. I know I'm tired of
it all, and I just want that special person to settle down with.
I always have, but I've never been in the right mind at the
time. Or they haven't. The relationships never worked for
whatever reason. But I'm just really tired of getting into
relationships that don't work. And I know that you don't know if
a relationship is going to work or not before you try it, but
sometimes you get involved in a relationship for the HOPE that
it might work. People don't want to be lonely, so they get
involved with whoever might have them, just so they aren't
lonely any more. But that's the wrong reason.
I've gone through a lot of lessons to learn about who I am, and
to gain the strength to be the best that I can be. I've gone
through a lot of pain as well. I feel that it's all led me to
this point, to who I am now, to meet this woman that I've met. I
feel that with everything that we are sharing and learning about
each other, it's almost like both our dreams are coming true.
And we've already met, so there's no illusions and false
expectations about appearances either.
Many internet relationships begin when people meet online and
chat and get to know each other, but when they meet, their
expectations are crushed because the image that they've built
up in their minds about how the other person might look or be
when they're face to face is completely
different to the reality. Nik and I are different. We met face
to face, and then the internet communication began, and we're
both just amazed at where this is going for us.
I'm the happiest I've been for a long time, and she knows I
don't want this to be just another relationship. Neither does
she, and so I'm filled with so much excitement about what's
happening.
Naturally, as usual, I'll keep you updated as best I can. :-)
|
